


It’s Not What It Seems

by xximmune



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games), the last of us part 2
Genre: AU College, Angst, College, F/F, Falling In Love, Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:55:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28932870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xximmune/pseuds/xximmune
Summary: AU COLLEGE with the normal gang.Ellie tries and fails,Jesse tries and fails,Dina tries and fails.It’s drama, it’s a young mess of what they want and think what love is them.
Relationships: Cat & Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie/ Dina
Comments: 25
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, there will be typo mess along with grammar so I apologize for that! I hope it’s enjoyable still! Btw I’m still trying to figure out this site so there is multiple parts.

It's the tapping sounds that are triggering the flashbacks, as if someone was writing them for her to remember. It seems to also trigger a minor headache, an ache and promise to herself that she won't drink. Or at least she won't drink as much as she did last night.

Ellie's mouth is dry, the taste of bad beer and mix of something else. Her hand comes to her face, as if that would pause the issue.

It's the tapping of a keyboard that triggers the heavy breathing, the phantom hands that roamed her body and then the regret. 

Her eyes snap open, with half a buried face she manages to focus on the figure at her desk. The regret is gone. 

She groans as if to get the attention of the figure who was too busy typing away. But the figure does notice, with a lazy point of their finger, Ellies eyes follows. She reaches for the bottle of water, twisting it open more roughly than she should, before taking a messy sip. Her hand slamming on the night stand to collect the aspirin and she takes them.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Ellie's voice is tainted with sleep, it's also raspy. 

"School work."

She should've known, "Dina..." she starts. Like she always has, like she always will. It's something she won't stop because maybe one day it won't matter.

"Twice."

Ellie frowns, her eyes fall close and she groans again. Twice. "Are you guys.."

"Yes."

Ellie feels that ping of regret, the bile that comes along with most hangovers whenever Dina answers yes. Why? Because they were suppose to stop, but they never do.

Something makes her sit up, she throws her legs over the edge of her bed and she holds her sheets. Her eyes feel heavy, her stomach wants to give up what she feels, her head feels like it's taken a beating. 

The tapping stops and then she feels fingers in her hair, fingers getting caught in tangles but she doesn't mind the pull. Not from Dina anyways. 

God, her touch is intoxicating. She understands now, she always does when being touched in such a caring way. 

"You should shower, you smell." Dina lifts Ellie's chin who is frowning from the comment.

The frown drops when she sees the playful smile. She knows the smell is from what she drank and from... the sex. She gets cocky, "why don't you join me?" She no longer feels that tired. But that much more hung over, so she groans. 

"Yeah that'll be how we get caught." Dina settles on her lap, her hands cupping Ellie's cheek carefully.

'I'm not fragile,' she wants to say but doesn't, she stares at those dark eyes. 

"We're not gonna get caught." She says instead and that makes her feel like the worse best friend, is she the worse best friend. 

______________

Ellie's eyes stay glued to the couple in the love seat across from her. She's studying, there was quiz coming up, she was doing good but she knew she could do better.

She finds herself distracted by the hands that roam over girl on her best friends lap, not hours ago was that girl on her own lap. 

She sinks down because that makes it seem like she's bugged by the studying not the couple. They don't look at her anyways, they're busy doing couple stuff in front of her. They're obviously allowed to, they love each other, they care for one another.

Her eyes finally lower, her mind mentally thanking her since it was pure torture what she was doing. She shouldn't care, she's doesn't have that right. 

But she does.

She's biting at the skin at her thumb nail , she knows better but it's distraction she needs, the pain that would come later because she pulled the skin wrong.

There was that fucking giggle, the only one she knew how to cause it. Her eyes drift back up and Jesse is nestling into Dina's neck. She wants to gag since that's her favorite spot to kiss Dina.

She lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding when her phone buzzes. The text reads "fuck studying, let's eat, I'm starved." It's from her other best friend Cat. "I'm outside so you can't say no <3'

"Thank fucking god." 

She scrambles to close her book, notebook even her journal. She may have been doodling and yes they may have been Dina's eyes, she doesn't care. No one can tell. 

The couple barely acknowledge that their wheel had left, so Ellie will always think. 

___________

"That was a amazing party last night, I'm surprised you're alive." Cat grins, her hand is placed on top of Ellie's. 

She doesn't know why, but their hands always seem to find each other whenever they're together. Neither one of them ask, neither one of them care to ask either.

Ellie is staring at the plate of food in front of her, it's barely touched. "It happened... again." The words come out somewhat easy, but she doesn't dare look at Cat.

The warmth of Cat's hand is gone which makes Ellie finally look at her. Her face isn't hard to read, she's disappointed in Ellie, maybe she's tired of hearing the mistakes. With a deep sigh, Ellie grabs her sweet tea and takes those large gulp to finish it.

Cat is being careful, Ellie knew as much. Of course she deserves whatever Cat tells her next, because that's what she does, she's that woman in Ellie's life.

"Poor bastard." Cat says before going back to her burger.

"That's it?"

"What do you mean that's it?" Cat swallows her food. "You're literally fucking your best friend's girlfriend behind his back. You don't deserve my words any more, Williams." She's annoyed, as she should be with her. "If she wants to cheat that's fine... you shouldn't be the one she does it with."

Ellie opens her mouth, she wants to justify her actions, her words and especially her emotions. Something that Cat doesn't know is that she's starting to care, crushing even. She thinks about that brunette more than she does about home. She knows what she's is wrong, it's completely out of line but Dina...

"Thought you were done with your words," Ellie mocks as she starts to pick at her fires, some going into the ketchup while some don't make it.

"Not until you're done being asshole to your best friend it seems."

"I can put an end to it."

"And I bet you're going to tell him too."

_____________________

When Ellie returns back to that two bedroom house, she enters with caution. She hears the talking in the kitchen and she can't help but to head towards it. She leans against the frame as she sees the loving couple, Dina is cooking while Jesse having a beer. She remembers Dina banned him from helping her when they almost burned the house by being distracted.

"You're finally home!" Jesse sounds perky, well, he always does.

"I hope you didn't eat while you were out." Dina turns to face Ellie. 

Her brown eyes are burning into her green ones, her mouth opens but nothing comes out. She lefts her bag that holds her burger. "I'm sorry." Ellie pouts some, she really does enjoy Dina's cooking, she enjoys her everything.

That's the thing about Dina, she's a magnet. Everything gravitates to that woman, she's so perfect in many ways that Ellie didn't understand how someone can be. She wants to know, there was nothing she wants more.

Jesse is being pulled towards Dina but she's doing the pulling. Ellie's eyes closed as she turns her head and pushes off the frame. She makes her way to room, she closes the door with her foot before she drops everything on her desk. 

Her books she had in the living room are now placed neatly in her desk. Her hand opens her journal, it's safe, it's brand new so no secrets to spill besides the eyes that could be anyone's. She opens the cover and there are the eyes, she moves her finger over them before down to the words that weren't there before. 

'See you after Jesse passes out xx'


	2. Welcome to your life / there’s no turning back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s work, there’s play.
> 
> Chapter credit to everybody wants to rule the world by Tears for Fears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I’m sure there’s typos and grammar mistakes, sorry for those.
> 
> And I lied here’s another part! Next one should be during the week or weekend who knows.

George Michael’s voice fills the air of the record store that Ellie works at, it’s the anthem to her continuous nightmare. Waking up to the sound of Dina’s moans followed by Jesse’s, rushing to gather clothes not knowing if they’re clean as long as she’s out of the house away from that. 

She hadn’t slept with Dina in almost week, knowing the routine of things going smoothly for them. Ellie tends not show her face when things are good because the affection is over the top and also it doesn’t stop. 

She’s jealous, she knows well that she’s not allowed to feel that, Dina isn’t hers. But she was finding it hard to not care when she is also making Dina moan. She hates most that every time that couple is doing it, Dina’s moans make it into her dreams leaving her with an ache.

“I’m never gonna dance again,  
Guilty feet got no rhythm,”

Careless Whisper is on its third time around and Ellie doesn’t have a say to what plays because she gave her rights up to Cat, who covered her shifts for a full week.

Her eyes fall on the black hair woman, who’s dancing to the song as she organizes the CDs. She’s staring at her hips that sway and she knows if she didn’t look away now, Cat would call her out in it.

But she wants to get caught.

Cat turns and locks eyes with Ellie, there’s that knowing grin and she can only hope that their lunch break comes quick. There’s no words to exchange, they both know what’s going to happen.

Cat turns to leave Ellie with her thoughts, something as of late she’s been hating. She figures with her text book out in front of her, her notebook that remains blank, she would be distracted. At least she can catch up with the latest assignment that she has zero interest because she’s too busy daydreaming. 

Her cheek rests against her closed hand, her eyes drifting up to the stairs that lead to the second floor, the open floor plan allowing to see everything below once you’re up there. She knows the vinyls that collect there and the listening booths, that aren’t always used for listening.

She snaps out of her thoughts when she feels a hand move it’s way along her back, fingers cupping her shoulder as she pulled back. 

Cat settles on her lap, she’s staring at Ellie like she’s looking for something to pick out, to maybe pick on. Cats hand continues to move until her thumb is tracing Ellie’s bottom lip. 

Ellie feels her breath stuck in her throat, her mind is traveling and she’s not stopping it. She goes to lean in, she craves contact. Cat stops her by covering her lips.

“Every time this happens you’re extra touchy with me.” Cat spokes, Ellie can’t tell what Cat’s feeling, she’s better at keeping a straight face.

“When what happens?” Ellie plays dumb, maybe this time Cat won’t push or tease about the couple situation.

“The fact that your best friend and your...” There it is. “Maybe you should spend the night at my place more often.” 

Ellie looks confused, she’s used to the nonstop teasing. But, she shakes her head to the offer. The memories of them attempting to live together floods back to her, it never goes well.  
When Cat senses that Ellie is not going to say anything more, she disappears from her spot. Leaving Ellie to her work, to daydream about someone she’s never going to have.

It’s the quilt that rushes back to Ellie and for once it’s not what she’s doing behind her best friend’s back. Cat has been there from the start, to pick up the pieces that Ellie drops from time to time, never complains and never pushes. She speaks her mind when Ellie needs it, especially when she doesn’t want to hear it.

“I don’t ask much from you, Williams.” Cat’s voice carries from somewhere in the back.

“I know.” Ellie’s voice is low but hearing the groan from Cat, she was heard. 

_______________________

Out of breath and feeling the ache subside, Ellie can’t seem to take her eyes off Cat as they’re both getting dressed. Cat turns catching Ellie staring again, she doesn’t smirk or smile. She knows that Cat is wondering something because she’s doing the same exact thing. Wondering if this is right what they’re doing, feeding into both their needs knowing the outcome is just as bad as when it started.

“You better...” Cat stops, like she had earlier and it only makes Ellie more curious. Cat’s lips close and twitch, maybe she’s trying her best to pick the perfect set of words. “You better not be thinking of her. Especially when we’re fucking.”

“I’m not.” The answer comes out quick, a little too quick.

“Okay.”

When she’s not questioned, she figures that’s it. But when she turns, she’s not expecting to catch an expression that flashes across Cats face, was it hurt? Its gone in seconds and she wonders if she even saw it. 

“Hey Cat,” Ellie follows the other out of the office, the door closes behind her and what had just happened was now a pleasurable memory. “Do you think..”

“No, she’s not thinking of you when she fucks Jesse.” 

There’s that bad taste in her mouth, her stomach twists and wants to gag. Cat leaves her in the hallway and Ellie is grateful for that moment which she can show how grossed out by the images that play before her eyes, especially now that she has the noises to match.

She manages to push through that torturous moment and moves forward, she sees Cat at the door flipping the sign to open and unlocking the front door.

“I was going to ask if you do think we can get a drink after my class tonight?” Ellie’s voice a little too loud in the quiet store. “But thanks for the images, asshole.”

Cat laughs, “anytime, sweets and of course, maybe a few drinks will knock some sense into you.” 

__________________

The night air is chilly, Ellie regrets not doubling up her jackets but she’s too stubborn to mention it as Cat and her share a cigarette. The crave came to her when she drinks and only when she drinks, for a second there she thought it was a daily thing she would do, but tasting the cigarette without alcohol wasn’t her thing. 

Between the both of them they’re a few rounds in and Ellie can feel the alcohol hitting her when they return into the bar. Her eyes feel heavy and she feels a little light headed from the quick smoke. She drops herself into the booth a little dramatically earning a giggle or two from Cat who’s sitting across from her. 

“How’s my girl feeling?” Cat grins widely, she reaches over and intertwines her fingers with Ellie’s. It’s the warmth that Ellie craves now so she places her other hand on top.

“I don’t know, where is your girl?” Ellie matches her grin, she looks over her shoulder in search for the said girl. “Oh fuck me,” 

“I did earlier.” 

Ellie doesn’t have to look at Cat to know the face she’s pulling, she squeezes Cat’s hands only to loosen up when she hears an Ow. Her eyes are looking at the couple that just walked in, hand in hand, lips to skin and smiling. They’re smiling... 

“Can we go?” Ellie asks as she faces Cat again.

“No.” The answer is firm, Cat leans some to see who had changed Ellie’s mood in that moment. She spots them and her hands squeeze onto Ellie’s. “You’re not supposed to be bother by them remember? That’s supposed to be your best friend.” 

“He is.” Ellie corrects her.

Cat opens her mouth to speak before pushing an over the top smile, Ellie catches on that they must’ve been spotted and she lets go of Cat’s hands. Her hands press to her legs and she closes her eyes in hopes that they weren’t coming over. 

“Jesse!” Cat sounds cheerful, a fake front. “And Dina, was it?” Ellie snaps her eyes open when she feels a kick to her shin.

“You’re such an ass.” She mumbles reaching down to rub the area.

“Oh shit, are you guys on a date?” 

Unknowingly Ellie looks over to Dina, her eyes searching for anything to show that she was bothered by what Ellie was doing. It’s has to be the alcohol giving her that courage, to not feel a bit guilt for wanting someone to be jealous. 

Again, Ellie is kicked in the shin and she groans, she reaches under the table to cover her bruising shin and stares at Cat.

“Would you fucking stop?” 

“Jesse asked if we’re on a date.” 

Oh, she wants Ellie to answer.  
“Y-yeah... sure.” 

Ellie senses that Cat is annoyed, bothered, fed up even and she wishes Cat would kick her again in a way she deserves. 

“This round is on me.” Jesse turns to leave and soon Cat following after to help him.

It’s quiet between Dina and Ellie, neither one tries to speak or attempts to start some random conversation and pretending they know each other. Ellie doesn’t push it, scared that something might slip with the push of alcohol. The courage is slipping away and she feels okay with it.

“Does she know?” Dina’s voice is soft, it’s low and it’s hiding their secret behind her tone. 

“About what?” Ellie doesn’t mean for it come out so coldly.

Dina seems to tense of how Ellie spoke, her back presses against the booth more and her eyes drift off to the other two standing at the bar.

______________________

Ellie stumbles into her room, the door hits the wall and she holds onto the handle for support. She places her hand the door and apologizes to it before closing it a little too aggressively before she struggles with her shoes. 

“Get off my foot, you little bastard...” she mumbles and manages to kick it off sending it off into the dark corner of her room. 

She regrets the last round of shots, it sounded so good in moment and now that she’s tangled in her sweater, she wish she would’ve listened to Cat. The sweater is bringing up her shirt as well and both clothing are pulled off. She stands there shirtless, out of breath and her hair sticking in every way. 

She’s then feels unbalanced, she falls onto her bed and she looks up to the figure that was the cause of it. Her lap is being straddled and feels kisses being peppered along her chest and neck. 

“You’re making it up to me with how you talked to me earlier.” Dina’s voice whispers sweetly near Ellie’s ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it’s more Cat than Dina and Ellie but we’re getting there, I promise! Thanks for the kudos and the comments it really made my day ❤️


	3. What’s there to know??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you can’t have it both ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Typos and with the mess down below. I’m sorry!!

It’s the unread text messages that are starting to stack under a certain person’s name. Ellie’s not certain what to feel especially now that the old man was emailing her. Something she never thought she would see, something she never thought he would resort to. So, now she sits in front of her laptop starting at her email. 

Her hand idly remains over the mouse, her finger not sure to click the few emails but moves when the screen goes black.

Ellie is so out of it that she doesn’t feel the arms snake around her neck from behind but with quick reflexes she closes her laptop.

“Are you reading something exotic?” Dina’s voice whispers in her ear, her lips tickling just under it causing Ellie to shriver.

“Yes.” She answers. It’s so much easier for her to admit to that than tell Dina the truth. She leans back and her head rests against Dina’s shoulder perfectly.

“I made you breakfast.” Dina is kissing along her neck, her arms snaking around her shoulders.

She looks at the plate of food, she rolls her eyes knowing well that she made that plate for Jesse, who obviously didn’t eat it. “I’m not hungry.” Her stomach growls on cue.

“You’re not hungry?” She can hear Dina smirking.

“What was the fight with Jesse about this time?”

Her room goes quiet and suddenly the arms that are hugging her are gone. She hears a quiet sniffle and she lets her eyes close. Bringing her hands to her face, she rubs at it hard, her fingers pressing against her eyes until she sees stars and she stops.

“D,” Ellie starts and turns to face the dark hair woman who’s on her messy bed. “I’m sorry, I’m just...” 

An asshole.

Dina doesn’t say anything for a moment, she looks at Ellie with those doe like eyes and her lips part. “I need you...”

Ellie stares at her a moment, she knew better than to take advantage when Dina was in a vulnerable state. They always so gentle whenever Dina said it was okay, the touches lasted longer, the kisses were breathless ones. Their cuddles helped Ellie settle in one spot and sleep the night through, she could always feel the kisses Dina gave when she thought she was asleep.

Before she could even go down that spiral of unwanted emotions and overthinking, she feels Dina’s lips kissing her hungrily. It takes second to response and she’s already stripping Dina down the best she could without breaking their kiss.

__________________

“There’s something wrong with you.” Cat passes her judgement. 

Ellie expects it every time she opens her mouth about the situation with Dina. She figures at one point she won’t be bugged by Cat’s remarks, and then she might not care what Jesse will think. It’s an endless cycle that’s a daily reminder.

“Are you going to tell me this time?” Ellie pushes, there’s a playful smirk on her lips as she’s gathers vinyls.

“I tell you every time, idiot.” There’s a snack to Ellie’s arm, Cat earning that face of discomfort she was aiming for her. “She tries to feed you, don’t open your mouth...” Cat warns her, another huff escapes. “And you feed her vagina. You’re so fucked up.”

“That’s weird, that’s really weird.” Ellie looks at Cat with her box filled the vinyls that haven’t sold. “And that food wasn’t mine, it was Jesse.” 

“It’s fucking food, El and she’s Jesse’s.... you can go down on her but you can’t have his food.” 

Ellie looks at Cat, her mouth opens but nothing comes out. She watches as Cats lips curl up in the corners, she’s proud of herself. She steps closer to Ellie, she cups her cheeks as her thumbs move over the freckles. 

“I adore the shit out of you, Williams. You better stop this shit before you end up hurt.” Cat grabs the box and tries to get it out of Ellie’s hold but struggles. “Dina is here by the way.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Cat manages to get the box from Ellie’s hands before gently pushing her towards the railing. Her head nods to the dark hair woman who’s looking through CDs.

“Why the fuck is she here?” Ellie’s voice is low, her hands grip the railing tightly.

“Maybe she’s here to confess her love in the country section.” Cat jokes. “I don’t know, get it over with, I’m not covering another shift.”

Ellie nervously kicks at the floor, her hands don’t seem to move even though her body does. It takes her a second before she’s walking down the stairs while looking for a way out. Of course she would love to talk to Dina, but that’s the thing. They don’t talk.

Finding a box full of CDs that need to be placed, she grabs it and heading towards Dina. This gives her no real reason to look at her, who knows she’ll stare and maybe with staring she’ll find more details to draw. Which, she’s totally not doing in that safe journal.

“What’s up?” Ellie’s voice doesn’t come out as smooth and chill as she hopes. She mentally slaps herself before shifting the box onto her hip.

“I know you’re busy but I wanted to talk to you, you kind of left in a rush.” Dina says, her voice carries as Ellie moves along the aisle. 

“I didn’t want Cat to open alone...” Ellie lies, her eyes shift to another employee that she never bothered to get to know. She knew Cat was going to be fine. “She’s been covering my ass more than she has to.”

“Right,” Dina starts before going quiet. “It just that I noticed that when I tried to ask you something personal, you brush it off or I don’t know rush to work.”

It’s Ellie’s turn to go quiet, she’s trying not to listen to her mind that’s telling her anything different. Her annoying over thinking mind, she ends up being quiet for too long as she mindlessly puts CDs behind names tags.

“Jesse talks about you, like, a lot.” Dina is quick to continue bringing Ellie back. “And the stories he shares, they make me want to know you.”

Ellie freezes, her fingers still onto the CD, she frowns without knowing it. “No.” Her answer is flat. The haunting twist of reality starts setting in again, her stomach is turning and her mind is making the worse case scenarios.

“No?”

With the answer, Ellie wonders if the other has ever had that said to Dina, someone denying her what she wants. 

“That’s not what we’re doing.” Ellie lets the box drop to the floor. The remaining CDs smack against each other, knowing they’re not broken Ellie moves from the aisle.

She walks into the next, grabbing CDs that aren’t meant to be there or poorly placed. Her eyes drift up to Cat who is watching the whole thing from up above. It’s the expression she wears, letting Ellie know completely that she’s enjoying the suffering.

“So we can fuck but not know each other?” Hearing Dina makes Ellie freeze in her place. By the time she’s somewhere in the middle of the aisle, her arms are full. She turns on her heel losing a few CDs in the process.

“You want to say that louder I’m sure the man over there didn’t hear you.” Ellie speaks quietly while her head nods in the direction.

“I’m serious, Ellie.” Dina doesn’t show any amusement, her serious face makes Ellie tense up.

“What do you want me from me?” Ellie says causing Dina to roll her eyes and step away from her. “Everything you need to know Jesse probably already told you.”

“He didn’t mention how fucking annoying you are.” 

“Cat thinks I’m annoying, what else is new.” 

“No I don’t!” Cat yells from somewhere in the next aisle. 

Dina stares at Ellie, she doesn’t break contact but neither does Ellie. “Don’t expect me to come back here to visit.” 

“You didn’t before, I think I’ll be okay.”

Ellie looks at the dark hair woman, wondering again, if she’s so used to getting her way. Maybe with Jesse she did, she wasn’t with Ellie. She remains in her place, uncomfortably holding the CDSs as she tries to get a better hold of them.

Dina doesn’t bother to say goodbye as she turns, her ponytail whipping with the mood that says it all. 

“Your fuck buddy is pissed at you.” Cat says hugging Ellies waist with one arm.  
“Because I didn’t tell her anything about myself.” Ellie’s eyes remain on the spot that Dina was, she lets out a small breath.

“She knows your not mysterious as you’re playing it right? Because you’re not. Your face gives everything away if that doesn’t your mouth does.” 

“Shut up, Cat” Ellie turns again, to set the arm full of CDs in a box with the other misplaced CDs.

Something none of the employees will ever sort out.

“What did I just say? Don’t why know she’s fussing over with the details, Williams!” Cat laughs causing Ellie to grab the closest thing near her which is some tape, and sends it hurling at Cat.

With the Cat yelling in pain or more annoyance, Ellie seems to feel a bit better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, may I have struggled with this one completely. It’s out there, especially at the beginning. 
> 
> But it’s something so I’m giving myself that. 
> 
> Thank you for reading it! <3


	4. She's uncertain if she likes him / But she knows she really loves him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blueberry slurpee & a skateboard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a double feature! 
> 
> Title credit to drive in Saturday by David Bowie

It’s around noon, Ellie’s morning class is over and her brain feels absolutely empty. She knows for sure that she kept little to none information, even thinking in the moment she can’t remember what she learned. But, she earned the delicious cold slurpee, even if her hand is freezing while holding it, it doesn’t bug her as much as she thought when she bought it.

It’s blueberry, it’s definitely going to make her teeth and tongue blue. That’s the point of it, she would show Cat or whoever she meets first, her colored tongue, and proudly too. She half wishes it would be Dina, since it’s been a couple of days since they last spoke.

She’s going to blame school, work and not the fact she pushed Dina away, because she didn’t.

Her free hand grips the strap of her backpack, and the hoodie she wears doesn’t block all the coldness. She doesn’t care.

Her green eyes are staring at the clear double doors that are open, she can hear the balls dribble. Whoever’s sneakers make noise along the court of the basketball court.

Every sound triggers a thought, every thought she’s biting more roughly at the straw denying her further sweetness. She can hear the crowds that cheer, and a proud old man off to her side who is there every time. Her eyes close for a second before she can allow that memory to slip in front of her eyes, her name is being called.

Her eyes snap open to the lady that stands at the open double doors. She holds a clip board and she’s starting to make her way towards Ellie.

Panic sets in and Ellie is quick to leave, her name is fading and her slurpee is tossed the moment she sees a trash can. 

_______________

Ellie doesn’t remember fully how she got to the bar, especially how everything feels better and she’s smiling. She’s talking to people, she never does but this is fine. She should make new friends and annoy those one, maybe be an ass to them as well.

She’s usually good with her liquor but considering all she had was a blueberry slurpee, she now knows why everything is hitting her quickly.

But it doesn’t make her decisions any better because at one point there’s a skateboard. Of course, she doesn’t feel the pain when falls once, twice, three times. 

She figures with her new scrapes and cuts, and whatnot she should go home.

She’s hurting when she’s walking home, luckily the new skateboard friend follows her home, just in case. She gives a drunken wave as she stumbles towards the front door, and she drops her keys a few times before herself.

“Holy fuck...” Ellie mumbles, her head drops back against the wall. “I didn’t... drink that much.” She thinks for a moment, her eyes narrow and she’s suddenly standing.

She grabs her keys off the ground and she leans against the door, her key manages to slip into the lock. Her body stumbles into the living room and she catches herself this time. Her arms raise as she breathes. “I stuck the landing.” 

“What the fuck, Ellie!” Dina yells, sounding concern.

“I’m drunk.” 

“No shit, it’s still day time!” 

“You never heard of day drinking?” Ellie grins and drops her backpack on the couch. “I rode a skateboard.” She smiles proudly.

“Ellie!” Dina yells again, she approaches the taller girl and turns her freckled face to reveal a scrape along her jaw and cheek. “Who was with you?” She sounds more concern and she’s gasps seeing Ellie in full.

Not only is Ellie’s jaw and cheek scraped up but she notices Ellie’s arm. She grabs the other’s hand carefully seeing the heel of her hand is red with lines of dried blood, she assumes the other one matches. Pushing the sleeve to Ellie’s hoodie up, she sees her elbow and up are matching with her other cuts.

“They’re my cool new battle scars.” Ellie says trying to lighten the mood. 

“Your breath fucking smells.” Dina speaks lowly as her hands moves carefully over Ellie’s body. When Ellie flinches and smacks her away, she comes back to lift up both her shirt and hoodie. She sees the long red mark, that’s taken her skin and she sees that she had some blood here and there but was wiped with her shirt. “What did you do?!”

“I skateboarded! I’ve been telling you!”

“No you didn’t! You wouldn’t look like that if you did.”

Ellie rolls her eyes and attempts to grab her backpack but Dina quickly stops her and pulls her off to the restroom. Dina manages to get the drunk Ellie into the restroom and takes off her hoodie and her shirt. It makes Ellie laugh and she tries to flirt but Dina is quick to silence her as she cleans up the cuts.

“I’m fine,” Ellie mumbles, her mouth feels dry and all she wants to do is eat and drink all the water she can.

“If you don’t clean these, they’ll get infected.” Dina manages to keep Ellie still enough to clean most of her side and arm.

“You don’t know that.” 

It’s a moment longer than what Ellie can handle, she feels like her drunken mind is ready to speak and she’s willing to say anything at this point to get Dina off her. She really doesn’t want to confess something, especially something personal. She can feel the words on the tip of her tongue.

“You know Jesse can walk in here any moment... he might think something of us.” Ellie says instead as her head drops back, the moment she lifts it she stumbles.

Holding onto Ellie’s bare waist even tighter, she sighs. “I think once he sees you, she’ll understand.” 

“What’s that suppose to mean?” Theres a deep frown on Ellie’s face, she looks at Dina.

“That you’re a mess.” 

Ellie remains quiet and finally gets herself free. She grabs her hoodie and shirt, both a tangled mess. She stumbles to get to her room, she leans against the doorframe and rests there for a second. She takes that breath knowing she has to change or well, maybe not, her legs carry her to the bed and drops down. She tosses the clothes and brings her sheets over her chest, she feels good until she feels someone lifting her leg and taking off one of her shoes.

“Dina, stop...” she mumbles more tiredly, and tries to get her leg free. She almost kicks Dina in the process.

“Ellie,” Dina says in a warning tone.

The front door closes making Jesse arrival known to both girls, Dina doesn’t stop helping Ellie who’s still fighting. 

“Go with Jesse and leave me alone,” Ellie doesn’t sound as drunk, she still is but she’s that more annoyed. “You don’t have the right to take care of me.” It sounds crueler than she intends but it does it’s job and Dina leaves.

Ellie kicks off her shoe and she carefully turns onto her side, the room is spinning and there’s moments where she wants to get up to empty her stomach but she doesn’t. She ends up passing out with that deep frown on her face.

___________________

The next time Ellie opens her eyes, she greeted with a dry mouth and a pounding headache. She regrets it the moment she lifts it as she tries to sit up, everything she had drank is making its appearance. She rushes to the restroom not caring if her door slams open and the restroom door slams close.

It takes longer than Ellie expects, but feeling her partly bare back rest against the cold wall and she somewhat feels better. She holds her up her head with her hand, and her hand digs into her pocket feeling the vibration of her phone.

With a push of a button, her screen lights up and sees the cracks along the screen that weren’t there before, she sees how late it is and she sees that the date has changed. She drops her phone as both her hands shake and she covers her face.

She holds her breath for as long as she could because she wasn’t going to have this weak moment. Her bottom lip trembles and she catches between her teeth and she bites down it hard. She doesn’t care if she tastes blood, but she does care when she doesn’t feel the pain.

She drops her hands quickly and lets go of her lip, her hands shake more as she grabs her phone and very carefully tries to call the person she needs in the moment. They won’t ask her questions, they won’t push her to talk.

“I’m coming to get you.” Hearing the words before they both hung up, she rushes to stand and completely ignores her body that tells her to stop moving. She gets to her room and slips on some random shirt from the floor and a new hoodie. Realizing the hoodie she grabs, she drops it like it burns and reaches for the next one. Her backpack is ready, she’s ready.

“Ellie,” the voice is so soft and low compared to the battle in her head, she tenses up. “I’m sorry, well, we’re both sorry. I would’ve called Jesse if I knew.” 

Feeling the anger raise in her, she grabs her shoes and she feels her body ache as well. The areas with the battle wounds are burning. “He didn’t have the right to tell you anything, Dina. You don’t get to be sorry.”

“I just know you lost someone, I’m still sorry you did.” Dina seems to try.

“Go back to your boyfriend, Dina.” Ellie pushes out her voice sounds fucking weak. She doesn’t want to talk anymore. She hears honk and the vibration in her pocket. She doesn’t have to look and she pushes pass Dina and heads out the front door. 

She opens the passenger door and slides in, she does her best to comfy before buckling up, she doesn’t realize how much pain she’s in.

“What the fuck happened to your face, Williams?” Cat’s voice is loud, making Ellie flinch slightly.

“I tried to skateboard while drunk.” She says sounding proud again and sinks down.

“Of course you did.” Cat laughs. 

“I had a blueberry slurpee today.”

“Did it make your tongue and teeth blue?” Cat starts to drive, her smile growing.

"You should've seen it." Ellie mirrors her smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day after another, I couldn’t help myself with this one.
> 
> Maybe Dina and Ellie will actually be really cute soon, I dunno yet
> 
> But thank you for reading!


	5. Some of them want to use you / Some of them want to get used by you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drinks and Dancing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy enjoy 
> 
> Credit for title - Sweet dreams (are made of) by Eurythmics

It’s awkward, especially knowing you’re actively the third wheel. Ellie should be used to this, the middle person between Jesse and Dina. Yes, she sits in the backseat of Jesse’s car and walks behind them as head towards the diner. Yes, she’s barely takes her eyes off her cracked phone because she’s making sure Cat is going to be at this party.

There’s no fucking way, she was going be tailing the love birds all the night.

Ellie was comfy in her warm room, the weather was becoming colder as the months carried on. Thanksgiving and Christmas seemed to be around while Halloween was in a few weeks. Her school work seemed to be stacking, she was doing a decent job balancing her life even her “personal life”. Which, was coming more nonexistent the more she decided her job or homework was more important.

It’s not like she has a girlfriend, or is dating someone. Cat comes to mind a lot, she wonders if she should to ask. It’s obvious who she can’t have, not that she wants that person because that means she has feelings, wants them and a relationship.

“Ellie!” Jesse yells while giving her a kick to the leg.

Ellie jumps as she groans, the bruises from the fall are still there. Of course they would be, less than a week won’t heal her fully.

“What the fuck, Jesse.” She mumbles, she stares at the man across from her.

“I’ve been calling you, you wanna join us down on earth for a while?” Jesse laughs as his arm wraps around Dina’s waist. She fits perfectly into his side while she steals his fries.

Her eyes quickly lower to her phone, pretending that Cat’s reply of, “fuck you.” is the most interesting thing in the world.

“I’m here, alright?” She sighs as she brings her thumb to her teeth to get that extra skin.

“Now I know what my parents feel like when they try to talk to me.”Jesse laughs and Dina joins him.

“Get off your phone, too!” Dina joins the poking.

Ellie’s eyes go into a roll, she slides her phone into her jeans and rests her cheek against her hand. She stares at Dina, “you guys are going to be good parents one day.”

Dina’s smile seems to drop for a moment before it’s pushed back on. Her eyes look up at Jesse and both are giving each other that, “I’m in love” look. It stabs Ellie in the stomach and she gets up without really intending to. 

“You didn’t finish your food, Ellie.” Jesse continues to joke.

Ellie raises her hand and flips them both off earning a loud couple laugh. It’s that second she realizes there’s never going to be a future with that person. 

She heads out of the diner and into the cold, her hands pull down the beanie she wears, over her ears. Her hair is a mess under it, she wears it down still but not even her normal half up and down style would save her. 

Her hands slip into her the pockets of her jacket, another zip up hides under it. She dressed warm for once knowing well that her time at the party will most likely be outside.

Her phone vibrates in her pocket and she pushes the bottom one getting it, she reads the text message from Dina.

“You look fucking hot tonight xx” 

__________________

Dina’s words are burning into Ellie’s mind when downed her first drink and they still do as she works on the second. She managed to lose the couple the moment they got here, even if she didn’t know the house, she would rather take the odds.

“Why are you standing alone, would you like some company, cutie?” A random guy approaches.

He’s obviously tipsy and he’s smiling like a cocky idiot. She regrets her decision that the counter next to the drinks was a safe place. She figured they’ll see the alcohol and not her.

Before she could even open her mouth, someone is already giving him a hard shove.

“Leave her fuck alone, she’s with me.” Cat comes into view and is reaching for Ellie’s cup. Her eyes glide over Ellie’s body, giving her that cold chill. “You shouldn’t be standing here looking like that...”

Ellie looks over her own body which seems pretty damn normal. “The fuck is up tonight, you’re the fourth person to mention something.” 

“Yeah because it’s only tonight that’s different.” Cat downs the drink making two fresh ones and handing one to Ellie. “Where are the love birds?” 

“Dancing over there,” Ellie nods her head towards the couple. 

“Jesus, that’s sick.” 

“They’re just dancing, Cat.”

“No the fact that you know where they are and I know what you’re doing.” Cat stands in front of Ellie. “For one night, since you invited me, don’t make it about them about... especially her.” Cat places her free hand on Ellie’s chest, her hand moves to her shoulder.

“I wasn’t going to make it about them or her,” Ellie lies, she already has a handful of things she wants to complain about. 

“You’re not going home alone tonight.” Cat starts to smirk widely.

“I kind of hoped I would go home with you.” Ellie mirrors her smirk.

“You’re really cute.”

______________

Somewhere down the line of drinks, Ellie had got conned into dancing and she was actually enjoying herself. Cat was a blur face, and there was moments where she even forgotten about her friend. When she remembered, her eyes scanned the faces to be greeted by a wide proud smile.

Ellie could feel the sweat collecting under her shirt, she was being stubborn, not wanting to remove either jacket or sweater. Her chest raises and falls as she makes a bee line for the alcohol counter, her sleeves pushed higher with each step. Her empty cup in a need of fill up, she manages to get awful pour of rum and coke before she feels a hand on her lower back.

“Ellie Williams, was that you dancing?” Dina’s voice hits her in a different way. She can’t explain it even if she tries.

Ellie turns to face the dark hair woman, who seems to matching the sweat and out breath patterns. Quickly her eyes snap up from Dina’s chest and she smiles, “Not so good,”

Dina steps closer to Ellie, her hands slip to both of Ellie’s hips and gives them a tug forward. “I hope you save me a dance tonight, I couldn’t help but look at your hips move.” It’s then Ellie looks over her own shoulder and then over Dina’s. “He’s outside.” 

Ellie smirks to the words, her teeth take her bottom lip and she bites down on it. She fights everything in her to not lean in that moment and kiss Dina, the usual heat building up.

Her mouth opens to speak but she suddenly is being pulled away.

“Are you fucking crazy?” Cat sounds upset, even the grip she has one Ellie’s arms match the emotion. “Are you really at that point where you don’t fucking care?” Cat hisses before she’s pushing Ellie through a door. “Because I know for sure, he’s not going to mad at her.” 

Ellie meets cold air, it’s another ugly shiver down her spine as she manages not to trip. She somewhat stumbles against a wooden railing, and she hears a faint giggle.

“Smoke a cigarette, you should take a breather, Ellie.” Cat’s voice changes in that second and then she’s gone.

Gathering her bearings, she looks around noticing that she was in the backyard. People are gathered here and there, smaller groups and couples. She sees Jesse off to the side talking to some friends, a sigh of relief runs through her.

“Ellie, right?” Her attention is brought to a woman shorter than her, hair pinned up and she realizes that she was dancing with her earlier.

“Right,” Ellie pushes the smile on her face, suddenly she feels awkward. “I’d say I would be back, I’m sorry... I was getting..” she raises her hand showing the cup.

“Don’t worry about it,” another giggle escapes her. “Just call me Em.”

“Em,” Ellie repeats.

They end up sharing a cigarette and Ellie’s drink, they have a few more drinks before things seem to get touchy. When the cold is too much for them, they end up inside and for once Ellie feels eyes burning into her. There are moments she looks over her shoulder to see Dina, an expression she knows all to well. She feels happy about it because maybe Dina knows what she feels every time.

Em ends up kissing Ellie, her hands are buried under the two jackets and over the shirt. Her own hands are rested on Em’s hips, she standing close as she presses the other against the wall, but still they talk. 

It’s after a few more drinks then things seem to blur before Ellie’s eyes and somehow they’re in one of the bathrooms. She can’t recall how long they’re were in there for but the bangs and someone becoming more upset, cuts off them and in a string of drunken laughs.

They dress and Ellie grabs her beanie off the counter before running her hands through her hair, it doesn’t fix anything in her drunken attempt. 

“Sorry, sorry... just needed help with something.” Ellie hears Em who is giggling. She looks at herself in the mirror before following the other out.

“Are you kidding?” Ellie’s ear perk and her head turns to see Dina standing there. Her color is off and she seems like she’s in a battle of something.

Ellie stands there like a kid in trouble, her mouth doesn’t open or attempt some kind of excuse since she was caught.

Dina is quiet, her mouth opens for a second without a word coming out. Her eyes are burning into Ellies green ones, she stands there with as she plays with her beanie. “What do you expect from me?” Ellie then says.

“It fucking...” Dina pauses. She takes a breath before she seems somewhat normal. “It shouldn’t bug me.”

Ellie swallows hard, she attempts to to step closer to Dina who only moves away from her. There’s that ping of emotions that fill her with anger and hurt. “Yeah, it shouldn’t bug you.” She ends up saying.

They stand there for a second, Dina cups Ellie’s cheek, her free hand lands on Dina’s. Ellie stares at her, she’s again fighting the movement but her body already takes that step. Dina stops her again, now both her hands rest on Ellie’s sides.

“I don’t feel good...” Dina mumbles before she leans forward.

Ellie moves Dina quickly to the restroom and the toilet, and she tries to ignore the images that playback in her mind of what she just did in there. She holds Dina’s hair back and crouches down next to her, her hand going along her back as tries to soothe.

“I’m sorry, Ellie..” Dina repeats over and over again, there’s tears gathering and Ellie cleans up the mess. “I think I love you.” 

Ellie chooses to believe the alcohol is talking, maybe she thinks Jesse is close by or even her. She doesn’t say anything when she manages to find a clean wash cloth, wets it and runs it over Dina’s face. She lowers herself to the ground and Dina easily falls onto her lap.

Relaxation washes over her, the pervious feeling of being drunk is slowly appearing again.

“Is she going to be your new girlfriend?” Dina’s voice sounds tired and the alcohol is showing up with the some of the words.

Ellie can’t help but to laugh some, “not bugging you huh?”

“It’s not fucking bugging me, I just don’t want her to be your girlfriend. I don’t like her.”

“Don’t worry about it, D. Just relax.” Ellie let’s out a deep sigh and raises her head as the door opens. She smiles some when she sees Jesse.

“I was looking for her, some girl named Em said you two were in here.” Jesse then smirks as he manages to scoop Dina into his arms. “Seems like a good catch, El.” 

“I don’t.” Ellie hears Dina mumble causing Jesse to laugh.

“I’ll see you at home if you make it.” Jesse smirks even wider before leading the way out.

Ellie doesn’t make it home alone that night, somehow Em and her manage their way back to Ellie’s and Jesse’s place. They’re quiet for the most part until Ellie doesn’t care, shes one causing the moans and making them. For once she’s not hearing them through or a wall or awaken by the uncomfortable sound.

The morning was creeping in them and still neither of them had slept, they’re actually quietly laughing in the kitchen. Even with the drunken sex they had just had, Ellie still feels drunk. Both of them are resting on the floor, both backs against the cupboards while random bags of snacks are between them.

They’re sharing deep kisses between bites of food and even words. Neither seemed to have stopped doing that.

“It’s fucking 5 in the morning!” Dina’s voice breaks their kiss and both girls look up at the one yelling.

“We were hungry.” Ellie laughs lightly as she feels kisses placed against her neck. Her eyes remain on Dina, “are we in the way?” 

“Oh give me a break.” Dina mumbles stepping over their legs. She ends up leaving with a bottle of water. She lingers for a second and looks down at Ellie who’s kissing Em, deeply. There’s a grin playing on Ellie’s lips once she pulls away from it..

When their eyes met, both know for a second agree on something before knowing that either of them saw the other in their future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picturing Ellie in a beanie or backwards baseball cap really got to me. 
> 
> Again, sorry for typos and such.
> 
> I hope you enjoy and thank you still for still reading, giving kudos and commenting it means the world! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for giving it a go, it means a lot still sorry for the awful typos and such <33


End file.
